People Who Need People

There is much talk, especially in women's circles about not needing a man to complete them. The “You had me at hello…” scene from Jerry Maguire struck a chord and brought movie goers to tears. But as actor and Mother Earth element, Tom Cruise stated in the first part of his "You complete me" speech, he said “We live in a cynical world!” We want to connect with people, and yet after suffering heartache and heartbreak, we are afraid of getting hurt again. So, when a connection loses its strength and breaks, we try to convince ourselves that we don’t need anyone else. That we can be complete without other people; our parents or partner, our family or friends. That we can complete ourselves.

There is an anonymous quote circulating on social media.

There is some truth to this sentiment. That once we have merged with our Higher Self, we are essentially complete. However, to tell ourselves and each other that we shouldn't need anyone else is untrue, misleading and inadvisable. In my studies of the 8 personal elements, I have recognized an important aspect of these very distinct personalities that involves having life-affirming relationships with people. These special relationships, which are a vital contributor to our well-being, do complete us on an energetic level. To deny the need for the presence of people in our lives, is to deny our unique energetic makeup. To deny ourselves the gift of personal relationships because we think we should not need them, is to ignore our needs and reject our humanity. To avoid relationships to prove we don't need people or to punish ourselves for a failed relationship or to give into the fear of abandonment and loss is not healthy.

People.  People who need people…are the luckiest people in the world.

~ from Funny Girl, sung by Barbara Streisand, Mother Earth

We need people. People play an important role as a witness to our life. Their presence provides a quiet knowing that who we are and what we do does not go unnoticed. That our presence on Earth is wanted and needed. That our contribution is important and appreciated. That we were here and we will be remembered. That our life has value and it was not all for naught. That who we are will have a lasting impact; that our life's work was influential. That our brief sojourn of  joy-filled revelries in the third dimension made a difference in people's lives and the world.

Having people who accept us completely would be a wonderful thing. However, that is something we can experience only after completely accepting ourselves. People will honor our needs once they see that we honor our own needs. People will love us unconditionally once we love ourselves unconditionally. We cannot attract that which we ourselves are not. The relationships we have are reflections of the relationship we have with ourselves. To need to be accepted completely by others makes us dependent on them for attention and affection and sets us up for disappointment. The key is to recognize our need for people without needing them to be a certain way or to do certain things for us.

This is easier to do when we realize that the people who complete us are our soulmates. Soulmates are not limited to people we have a romantic connection with. Soulmates are the people we have special relationships with; souls we have always known and will always know. Our soulmates are those souls who have agreed to meet up with us and share parts of our lives with us. Our helpmates are those souls who vowed to help us in our lives and encourage us to fulfill our purpose. Our mates are those souls who contracted to fall in love with us, to live with us and to have children with us. Our life mates are those souls who have come to assist us with our spiritual growth, help us clear our karma and partake in the enjoyment of the human experience.

The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery.  To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone.  Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

~ Aristotle

The wise take the time to know themselves and honor their needs. Some recognize the value in carving out some alone time between relationships to heal and become a person who will attract the partner and relationship they know they deserve. Others see that solitude gives them the time and space to get to know themselves so they can make choices that honor who they really are. Still others know that being alone with their own thoughts and being still and quiet enough to hear their own inner voice requires time apart from others.

In "Learn To Be Lonely", writer Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the value of being alone. She describes what traveling and living by herself for two years provided for her. In this short essay, Ms. Gilbert encourages people to spend time alone and not to fear or avoid being alone.

The first time I was alone as adult was in the year leading up to my Eat Pray Love journey.  In the space of that aloneness (which was very lonely, believe me) I was finally able to hear my own inner voice.  Ultimate, that voice led me on my adventure — all by myself.  I remember when I was traveling alone during the Eat Pray Love journey and I crossed this threshold where suddenly I realized, "I am going to treat myself like I am my own amazing boyfriend.  I'm going to be SO GOOD to me.  I'm going to take me to the most beautiful places in the world. I'm going to say the most comforting words to myself.  I'm going to feed me wonderful meals, and buy me wonderful books.  I'm going ask me every day, 'What do you need, dear one? What can I do for you?'"  And we ended up having an amazing time together — me and me.

~ Elizabeth Gilbert

In this part of her treatise on being alone, Elizabeth Gilbert, writes about the fact that in order to cope with the loneliness, she had to divide herself into two people; the lover and the loved one. This beloved author beautifully writes about her appreciation for personal alone time while honoring her need (as a Mother Earth element) for partnership and love. She gives wise counsel from personal experience and brings attention to a basic human need: the need to connect with and know yourself and the ability to happily be with and to be able to relate with yourself.

Alone time and long stretches of being alone are two different things. Everyone needs alone time, some more than others, depending on a variety of factors, not the least of which is their personal element. I know women who claim that they need a lot of alone time. All of these ladies have not been without a man since their teens, have not lived alone for decades or have not given themselves a break between romantic relationships; in fact, sometimes the relationships overlap. Not everyone can live and travel happily alone. Nor should they. Not everyone can go for months or years without an intimate relationship. And yet, there are people who can be alone and do like it, even prefer it.

Although alone time has great value, learning to be lonely and liking it does not. Loneliness should not be forced on people against their will even if it might serve their highest good. Since we can only share our truth and speak from our own life experience, we forget to take into consideration the fact that, although we are all human, we are not all the same. Although we share some of the same basic human needs, what we need on a personal level can vary from person to person and element to element. There are personal elements who do not feel lonely when alone. There are also personal elements who need more people than others to be or feel complete.

Being complete is one of the most important factors in finding balance and regaining personal well-being. Until you are complete, you feel anxious, experience chronic fatigue, suffer from poor self-esteem and struggle with self-confidence. Until you are complete, you cannot be all that you are; you cannot be happy and fulfilled. Until you feel complete, something essential to your personal energy is missing. Once you are complete, it’s almost as if you can stop holding your breath, finally breathe in and sigh with relief. Once you feel complete, you have more of what you need to be you, authentically and fully. Once you are complete, you can be completely you!

Its OK to like to be alone. It’s also OK to be a person who needs people.

Your completion number is based on your personal element. It always starts with YOU! 

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