Just Like Me

Honoring Your Uniqueness in a World of Sameness

It's common for people to begin articulating a thought with the statement, "If you're anything like me...". Or, they will speak about a topic leading with the assumption that everyone is like them. They think, if you're in their sphere of influence, you must be "just like me".

This phenomena can show up quite obviously among influencers or celebrities, content creators or authorpreneurs who've intentionally "niched down" and built a community of fans and followers, subscribers and viewers that don't just like them but begin to identify with them. And try to be like them. Ever heard of a Swifty4Life? 

Lesser known gurus come up with cutesy names to call the people they don't know and will never meet. Instagram followers are constantly referred to as "you guys" and YouTube subscribers are addressed even more intimately as, "hey friends". If you're unfortunate enough to be on someone's email list, you're called "gorgeous" or "beautiful soul". Endearing? Too familiar? Disingenuous? Or just weird?

No, we can't "hang out" together or sit down for a chat. There is no "getting to know you" or having a real conversation. These platforms provide ways for the creator to offer only a one-way communication. Comments can be deleted and even disabled.

I've done enough private coaching over the past two decades to know that not only are people not like me, there's no one like me. And...there's no one like you. You are an individual...uniquely YOU! 

And while there may be some similarities to your personal energy or personality, upbringing or world view, most people are not like you. In fact, there are so many big differences and subtle nuances, contributing factors and conditioning effects, that no two people are that much alike. 

And this is coming from someone who studies people and observes their ways of being in the world. I see people through the variegated lens of The 8 Elements and have categorized them through the presentation of their personal energy. My work centers around eight very distinct personal feng shui elements. 

Recently, I was asked about the differences between Mountain Earth and Mother Earth. After embodying both for several months this year, I can tell you that they are completely different elements. In addition to their drastically different completion numbers, one of the biggest differences is in how their energy moves, shifts and oscillates. 

Mountain Earth energy moves from high to low and low to high. It shifts from elevated to grounded and back to the summit before free diving off the cliff at the edge of the world. And it oscillates like hyperventilating or panicking, with the increased heart rate and blood flow of arousal or the rolling waves, peaks and crashes of orgasmic ecstasy. It occupies environments at the extremes and yet can remain balanced because of that very contrast of opposites. 

Mother Earth energy moves from side to side, from angelic to devilish, from their "good" side to their "bad" side like a Dr. Jekyll and My Hyde. It shifts from half to whole, from being the better half or having a better half to being better together in a partnership or relationship. It oscillates between self-love and self-hate. And it occupies all of the space with complete and unapologetic entitlement.

One of the brilliant aspects of Maria Montessori's philosophy of education was having children of many different ages learning together in the same prepared environment. In primary classes, children between the ages of 3 - 6 learn with and from each other. In AMI certified schools, this 3-year age range continues all the way through the rest of the higher levels of education. 

What most government educated and state indoctrinated people don't realize is that the people they went to school with were indeed just like them, at least energetically. Public schools and most private schools are set up by grade level and children are separated into classes predominantly by their age. Since The 8 Elements are determined by birthdate and male/female sex, this creates a very limited peer group.

What this means is that, if you are female, all the girls in your class were your same personal feng shui element. And all the boys in that class were also all the same personal element. Except for January birthdays and children who started school early or were held back, the children you went to school with were only two of The 8 Elements, yours and one other. And for Hard Wood elements, all the children, boys and girls, were your same element. 

This experience of being only with your own personal element gave most people a skewed and very narrow perception of the world. Women grew up thinking that girls were like them and their friends and that boys were like the boys in their class. It's not until starting high school, where there's more opportunities to be with kids that are older or younger, that they begin to realize there are other personal energies (or personalities) in the world. For some, this awareness doesn't really register until college or university, where there's a lot more fish swimming in schools towards their pieces of paper. 

I find it ironic that one of the most common criticisms that demonized homeschooling was the feared lack of socialization. The truth is: those who were homeschooled with older and younger siblings or spent more time playing with other children of varying ages in their neighborhood or at church, in large extended family or their small community, socialized with lots of other personal elements and were provided with opportunities to recognize and learn how to get along with other personalities. And in a Montessori class of girls and boys who were up to three years apart in age, there could be almost all of The 8 Elements, instead of just the two found in age segregated and single grade classrooms. 

The relatability factor makes and breaks careers. And assuming other people are just like you is arrogant and egotistical. And worse, it contributes to the prevalence of false advertising. Giving advise based on your personal experience, without realizing that people may have different needs and values than you is not useful. And thinking that your secret to success is THE way for other people, may sell books and get people to register for your course, but it won't be helpful to the people who may like you or want to be like you, but aren't like you, at all. 

Many people will try to appeal to a wide variety of external similarities like culture or upbringing, generation or social class, political affiliation or religion. And this approach does work, at least at first. But when the influencer expresses a value that's not aligned with yours or when they give advice that doesn't resonate with you, you will lose respect for them and eventually come to the realization that actually they can't help you. Because while you may still envy their life or wish you could have more of what they have, on the most fundamental levels, they're not "just like me". And trying to be more like them is not an authentic way to live.

This blog was inspired by something Mikhaila Peterson shared on a recent podcast, episode #165, in a long form interview with writer and London-based journalist, Louise Perry. Perry is the author of The Case Against the Sexual Revolution, a book I've read and highly recommend. Interesting to read a liberal and "common sense" feminist's take on what conservatives and people with marriage and family values have known and have been talking about since the second wave in the '70s, nearly fifty years ago.

Despite knowing about the BIG 5 personality traits and her dad's personality assessment test, Mikhaila talked about not really knowing that people were different from her until her mid-twenties. She also revealed that growing up she felt the pressure to have children and be a stay-at-home mom like her mother and also attend a university to get a PhD like her father. So, while many people are raised by peers of their same personal element, they're also raised by parents with different personal elements who expect their children to walk in their footsteps and emulate them to the point of being a "mini me", regardless of different essential needs and highest values.

The power and beauty of The 8 Elements is that you get to be a full embodiment of yourself. Not your favorite self-help guru. And not your parents. YOU! Instead of learning how to be more like someone you might admire and respect, you get to learn how to honor your own personal energy. Instead of trying to be more like them, you get to be just...like ME!

☯

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