Romancing the Stone

What makes a study of the Mother Earth element so unique is that its characteristics apply not only to the people who personify this element, but to the planet herself. A thorough understanding of what the Mother Earth element exudes, needs and values, provides wonderful insight into the life experiences its inhabitants might be inspired to create. Humans are a product of their environment, a beautiful expression of the Mother Earth element, her personal energy, her conscious presence in the galaxy and her life-giving and life-sustaining essence.

The Mother Earth element is associated with the number two. Mother Earth is populated with Infinite Beings that are visiting the third rock from the sun in bipedal physical bodies featuring pairs of everything. Two eyes and two ears. Two nostrils to breathe into two lungs. Two lips. Two hands and feet. Two arms and legs. A miraculous reproductive system comprised of pairs of ovaries and testes, X and Y chromosomes and sex organs that fit together like two puzzle pieces.

The Mother Earth element is also associated with Partnership & Marriage. Mother Earth energy is driven toward marriage. It compels people to couple up. To make a love connection. To leave their fathers and mothers and cleave to their first love. To become one flesh, a union that once joined cannot be put asunder by distance or dimension, divorce or death. To bond on spiritual and physical, emotional and chemical levels. To relate with another being; to mate with another soul.  To make love, to procreate.

Mother Earth people marry early and often. Earthlings look for love and find it in partnerships. The ongoing narrative tells the story of our coupling culture from "in the beginning" to "once upon a time". The story of us, written in the stars. The human drama centered around this elusive romancing of the stone. The tragedy of star crossed lovers, unrequited love and paradise lost. The romance novel of contrived circumstances, damsels in distress and the hero's journey. The boy meets girl, never been kissed romantic movie. The hope for true love, the anticipation of true love's first kiss. The wait for "the one" worth saving yourself for. The impossible dream of forever and for always. The myths and legends, fables and fairytales repeatedly told to every generation. The wishful "happily ever after". The continuing saga, the never ending love story...

The dominant emotion for the Mother Earth element is love. Not the "love your God with all your heart" kind of love. Nor the "love your neighbor as yourself" kind of love. Not just romantic love or brotherly love. The love mothers have for their children. Unconditional love. The "I will always love you", no matter what, kind of love.

Human beings look to marriage for unconditional love. They look to their romantic partner to love them that much and in that way. The "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part" way. The way only a mother or God or Infinite Beings can love. Immortal love between mere mortals. The perfect I Corinthians "love is patient, love is kind..." love from a fellow flawed human.

In most parts of the worlds, marriage is consensual and in almost all cases, monogamous. It is the formal coming together of two people in love. Two people who love each so much that they want to be together and live together. Two people who want to share their lives and build a life together.

Marriage is a contractual agreement recognized by the state. Up until recently, it was a legally binding contract limited to two people of the opposite sex. Now all couples in the U.S. have a license to wed. As they enter into this agreement, they unknowingly invite a third party into their bed. It's not until they grow apart and fall out of love that they realize how much power they have given to a robed officer of the maritime court system.

Marriage is an institution legalized by the law of the land. The State issued marriage certificate entitles both parties to certain rights and responsibilities. The stamped, sealed and signed document offers civil privileges, legal rights and tax benefits. It certifies the undefined and uncommunicated, but assumed, expectations of fidelity, familial responsibilities and financial support every married person has taken for granted.

Marriage is an institution, required by most religions to condone sex. The "repeat after me" marriage vows, recited before God and clergy, family and friends declare a couple's mutual desire "to have and to hold, to love and to cherish" each other all the days of their lives. The promises made with blind love and in good faith at wedding ceremonies make committed relationships official and legitimizes the children that come from the consummation of marriage.

Marriage is not so much a right as it is a socially accepted "right" way to couple up.  We have been conditioned to believe that a colorful piece of paper and some flowery scripted words, overused standardized vows  and rehearsed promises somehow make committed relationships more legit and make sure they will live long and prosper. We don't trust ourselves or each other enough to honor our needs or commitments without making it official in front of everyone we know, at the biggest party we will ever throw. Or, give us the guarantees we want or the assurances we think we need without a legal document, declarations of undying love and devotion and public displays of affection.  We don't trust the government and legal system to deal with us fairly without pre-nuptial agreements and marriage contracts. Or, give us what we want or feel entitled to without court orders, settlement agreements and divorce decrees.

Marriage is an archaic tradition that was designed to serve the interests and motivations of a male dominated and privileged patriarchal society. The ceremonial transfer of ownership of women from fathers to husbands was established to gain and maintain power and authority in their spheres of influence. The double standard for women regarding pre-marital and extra-marital sex, the invention of chastity belts and wedding night virginity tests were established to determine indisputable legitimate heirs to land and wealth.

The exchange of wedding bands is the result of an enterprising consumer campaign in first world countries during the 20th century. The double-ring ceremony was successfully established in the 1940's in America to create a market for expensive diamond engagement rings and wedding bands for both the bride and groom. Up until then and in many countries today, the ring given to a woman signifies that the man is claiming her as his "property", much like the earrings worn by slaves.

The separation of church and state did not preclude their collusion in upholding the "sanctity of marriage" for as long as possible. Redefining marriage has been a controversial social issue that political and religious leaders have supported each other in controlling and delaying. Hypocritical religious organizations adamantly oppose the legalization of same-sex marriage and hold firm to their belief that the only marriage, sanctified by God, is a holy union between one man and one woman. Political cowardice postponed the inevitable evolution of humanity by waiting until the agenda driven social change artists had conditioned enough minds and softened enough hearts to accept and celebrate the long anticipated federal ruling regarding legalizing marital rights for all American citizens.

Expressions of love have become variegated, but as long as humans inhabit Mother Earth, the coupling culture will endure. It will continue to seduce us with its beguiling poetry. Court us with its pretty prose. Marry us with its proposals and promises and pronouncements. And ultimately consummate our marriage with passion and pleasure.

So, now what? Now that consensual adults, in all fifty states of the Union, can purchase certificates of marriage for a nominal fee, maybe the focus can shift from fighting for the right to marry to surrendering to the path of love. Now that the State grants marriage licenses to everyone who meets the age requirement, maybe we can grant ourselves the permission to make commitments to each other without sentencing our beloved to life and putting them under contractual lock and key. Now that nothing is being denied to anyone for any reason, maybe we can choose to stop denying ourselves the option to consciously couple without the status, the surnames and the false sense of security. Now that we can be sure that marriage will be waiting for us when we meet the right person, maybe we can start becoming the best version of ourselves. Now that we can choose to be married, maybe we can choose to be in a committed relationship with someone who makes us happy, instead of trying to get married and stay married.  Humans are designed to want what they don't have. Now that we can marry and divorce each other as much as we want, maybe we can just opt out of this outdated model of marriage all together, once and for all.

New models of marriage require new terminology. New words for monogamous committed relationships. New names for partners. While the word 'wife' simply means woman, the word 'husband' means master of the household or property/land owner.  Instead of redefining marriage based on genders and sexual orientation, what if we create some language that honors who we really are beyond the traditional roles? Expresses who we get to be in relationship instead of what we are expected to be? And describes what our relationship contributes to us instead of what it provides for our partner?

What if we came into relationship as a whole person, looking not to get needs met, but looking forward to what it could add to an already beautiful life? What if we were authentic with a prospective partner and honest about our dreams and our deal breakers from day one? What if our vows were about the growing, changing person we intended to become instead of promising to feel and think and be the same until we die? What if instead of celebrating our anniversary each year we chose each other again and renewed our vows or consciously uncoupled on that day? What if we valued personal happiness, ours and our partners, more than relationship longevity?

What if we choose to live happily? Happily single. Happily divorced. Happily married. Happily unmarried. What if we choose happiness? We might even get our happy ending.

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