Not for Everyone
On Marriage in Modern Times
I’ve been watching the arguments for and against marriage and the various defenses of their positions, as well as, counter-arguments and rebuttals between YouTuber, Pearl Davis and the conservative hosts of Daily Wire shows.
Young and unmarried, Pearl claims that marriage is a risky, dangerous and likely disastrous life choice for men today. She thinks the laws regarding no-fault divorce, alimony and child support and the custody of children, need to change. Because the courts almost always rule in favor of women, awarding wives money and mothers child support and custody, thereby incentivizing divorce. Which leaves men alone and heavily burdened by the enormous emotional trauma and financial cost of divorce and the debilitating monthly payments their former wives feel entitled to and demand.
The happily married, middle-aged and male Daily Wire hosts believe marriage is good, worthy of pursuing and vital to a fulfilling life. That the sanctity of marriage is the foundational bedrock of a stable and well-functioning society. That the institution of marriage is what provides the framework for strong families and the structure required to raise the next generation of good humans and citizens of the world. And that the reason the world is currently in such a disordered state is that people no longer value marriage or are getting married.
The truth is: They are both right.
And they are both wrong.
Changing laws to de-incentivize divorce may make women think twice before giving up on their marriage, divorcing their husband and breaking up their family. But changing laws never addresses the real problem. And you can’t legislate change in people’s hearts and minds.
The real problem is that marriage is no longer consider a sacred union between a man and a woman. Marriage is no longer a lifelong commitment that is entered into not lightly. Getting married is something anyone can do on any day of the week. People even marry themselves!
People these days weren’t raised right. They don’t have good values. They lack the morality to be monogamous and the maturity to keep their commitments.
There are only two creatures of value on the face of the earth: those with the commitment, and those who require the commitment of others.
~ John Adams
The vast majority of millennials are plagued with some prolonged, if not, permanent state of adolescence, in which they never grow up, start adulting and get a life. They live that single or dual income no kids life and have no interest in taking care of anyone else besides themselves. We actually ought to be grateful they’re not reproducing. Hopefully, these oversized children will live and die without fucking up anyone else’s children.
Contrary to what the tradcons would have you believe, marriage is not for everyone. In fact, precious few these days have enough valuable qualities to offer a husband or wife. And even though people planning their wedding like to say they’re only getting married once, almost no one actually has the level of commitment or moral character required to be happily married...and stay married.
Marriage is for people who have morals, values…and character. Couples can have good morals and shared values. But if men and women don’t have good character, vows are broken, marriages end in divorce and children are left without the benefit of having both parents in the home.
Marriage is a commitment. Commitment requires the character to follow through on the promises made to another person. And the self-sacrifice required to keep a marriage strong and the family together for the wellbeing of the children.
My mom told me that marriage is a protection for children. My personal experience proved that theory wrong almost immediately. What protects children from divorce and broken families is not a ring and a piece of paper, but husbands and wives who are monogamous and committed to each other, their relationship and their family…for life!
Marriage did not protect my two children from being raised by a single mother. It didn’t protect me from being divorced at 27 and left with two children to raise by myself with no support. Why? Because marriage vows mean nothing if the person taking those vows lacks the character to honor their commitments.
Even though personal stories are considered anecdotal, I’m going to share mine because it proves both the tradcons and red pilled wrong. Daniel and I were both raised Christian, homeschooled, conservatives, registered Republicans…and virgins. We did the “right” thing and got married, and had two children right away. We had shared values. We agreed on everything from home birth and breast-feeding and not genitally mutilating our newborn son to my being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling our children. We had a traditional marriage and a growing family. Three years into our marriage, he broke his vows to remain faithful and got someone else pregnant. And left me, 6 months pregnant with a toddler, to move in with her and her kid. He had his dad serve me with divorce papers four days after giving birth to our daughter. In the dissolution of marriage, he signed away his rights to both physical and legal custody of our children. He seldom ever asked for visitation and he never paid any child support. He went on to live with other people although he never married them. And I raised two children by myself and never remarried.
Oddly, it’s the religious people that are the worst offenders when it comes to taking marriage vows lightly. Because pre-marital sex is considered a sin, parents and religious communities tell young people to just get married. ASAP. So, they can start having sex. And any unplanned pregnancies won't be “out of wedlock”. Because avoiding that embarrassment is more important to them than actually becoming a quality person who is worthy of marriage and waiting to find the right person to marry.
Pearl is right. Most women are whores. No one is going to want to marry them or have children with them. And men have very few quality women to choose from who are actually marriage material and worthy of having a loving and faithful husband.
The tradcons are right. It IS important who you marry. Shared values are essential to marriage.
Pearl is also wrong. Changing laws isn’t going to protect men from bad divorces and bankruptcy. Wifing a whore won’t turn out well for them, no matter what laws are on the books.
The tradcons are also wrong. Preaching about the virtues of marriage without also addressing the complete lack of truly virtuous men and women in today’s society is really irresponsible. Without true virtue, marital status is just self-righteous virtue signaling.
Even if you have morals and values, without the character to uphold those morals and honor those values, commitments are meaningless. So, change the divorce laws to protect men from predatory women. And keep preaching about the value of marriage. But because marriage requires morality and maturity, good qualities and character, the truth is, marriage is not for everyone.
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Pearls of Wisdom is a personal blog of the wisdom writings of Dara Eden that fall outside the realms of feng shui, The 8 Elements and her other personal energy work. Established in 2014, the blog is an expression of her highest values: Sovereignty, Truth, Wisdom & Inner Peace. It’s devoted to increasing awareness, expanding consciousness, bringing knowledge, sharing innerstandings and offering wisdom to the sovereign souls inhabiting the Earth.
Dara Eden is a writer and wisdom keepHER. The name, Dara, means “pearl of wisdom”. Pearls are formed when a microscopic irritant, like a grain of sand, embeds itself within the soft tissue of a shelled mollusk. To protect itself, the oyster or clam covers the invading gritty particle with concentric layers of iridescent crystalline calcium to form treasures, pearls of great beauty and worth. Gifts of the sea, pearls are the oldest known gem and the only gem that does not need to be cut, shaped or polished. Pearls are associated with elegance and luxury and are a symbol of mystery and purity. Pearls represent priceless knowledge, the rare wisdom that begins as a tiny, random, common irritant.
